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A WORD ABOUT FAMILY AND FRIENDS

There is nothing like having a great family and good friends. I could not ask for a better wife and sons, and as you can imagine, some of the opinions and commentaries that I have posted have been sent to me by relatives. If you know my Dad, there is no mistaking that I am his son, and while we may not have seen eye-to-eye on every move I made regarding this matter, his integrity, wisdom, input, support and well-reasoned advice has always been something I have valued and appreciated. As expected, my Mom's comments were so "pro-son" that I did not even post them on the page, and I love her dearly for her unconditional support of all of her children and grandchildren. My father-in-law made some much-appreciated and compelling points that deserved to be heard, and my Sister's views were eloquent, dignified and thought-provoking. On January 15, 2006, I received the following from my brother, Steve, who has been as good a friend as a fellow could ever have for over 39 years. Like his older brother, Steve gets going a little (we're entitled, as both of us made a substantial investment in building this house), and I figured that the least I could do for the boy after all his help is to give him the right to make his personal views known. Here he goes:

Stick a Fork in Me. You may post verbatim with my name included please….while it may not be proper english and or terms and possibly repetitive, it is all the time I could spend on it…maybe someone on the other side will read it and do something about it. Have a good one…

As the brother of the defendant (Larry Oldham) I would be remiss if i did not at least add my commentary before this entire situation really, really gets out of hand. When is enough, enough? It appears to me that both sides have drawn their lines in the sand and neither parties show signs of working things out amongst themselves. Bottom line is this in my book…What crime did a man really commit here? and Where is the proper communication amongst all involved to work things out to be amicable and mutually beneficial for both parties? I am not an attorney nor do I want to be, but I do have to deal with an attorney on quite a regular basis (my brother) and I would like to discuss other life issues besides the current situation when we are together. Believe me there is nothing worse than playing a round of golf or sitting at the family dinner table and spending close to the entire event discussing something so absurd, when we should be discussing our families and kids and what is going on in their lives.

Is my brother crazy and taking this too far? Yes, sometimes, to the former and NO to the latter. It is my opinion that the handling of the matter by the HOA has put him on the defensive from the beginning, but on the other hand Larry’s lack of being proactive in pursuing the matter in the beginning stages have brought the case to its current situation. Without being repetitious, here is what I view as the basic nuts and bolts of the matter:

Larry as well as many other people spent a long time building a house. His goal was to get his family settled in a new home as soon as humanly possible and go on with life in somewhat of a normal fashion, knowing that he had other items to complete with the house, but at least a family of five could finally get settled in a new home after almost 2 years of chaos. Now, comes the issue of the driveway and front landscaping of which we all know the story. I personally have not read the covenants of the neighborhood (nor do I probably have the knowledge to properly interpret all of the rules), but my only question is this: Is it stated in the covenants that a driveway, landscaping and a mailbox must be installed before a home can be occupied? I do realize there was a delay in doing so for various reasons already stated, but seriously HOA and other folks in the neighborhood, did you really think for a minute that a man who built a house that is probably a little “over built” (from a cost standpoint) compared to others in the neighborhood was not going to install a driveway and landscape the front entrance nicely as soon as he possibly could?

Give me a break, anybody who knew about the lot before this house was built, surely could appreciate the efforts taken to make this last and most costly lot (from a “get ready to build standpoint”) a nice place. Besides, to the best of my knowledge that piece of land went untouched for a couple of years and there was always a break in the side walks being connected and the place was grown up weeds, etc…before Larry purchased and built on the lot. What did the HOA do before Larry arrived and was this property not an eye sore before he built his house, and did it de-value any one’s property. Come on people.

So you are telling me (HOA) that just because a fellow worked on building a house for over a year to make a long term home for his family, you cannot give him the courtesy of wanting to finish his driveway after the “dust” had settled and he really had a chance to be there on a daily basis to understand how nature would take its course on his property. Instead of trying to truly understand that what he was doing and actually talking to him in person, you guys send a few letters, follow that with a monetary fine process and then have the audacity to slap a law suit on him, without 1st pursuing an intelligent conversation with him and allowing him the opportunity to get settled and understand his entire home and property situation while also trying to earn an honest living. Shame on the HOA for its handling of the matter. My only comment to Larry on this matter is that he should have been more proactive in communication attempts early on to avoid this current situation, but he has made it clear as to the reasons why he did not do so.

So here you guys (both parties) are spending unnecessary time and monies trying to deal with a situation that has gotten way out of hand when all you had to do was communicate properly in the 1st place. It is my opinion that the HOA settlement offer for him to pay attorneys fees for approximately $7,000.00 is absolutely crazy, especially when it went out seeking unneeded legal services in the 1st place. And besides, Larry will pay part of these fees anyhow by paying his HOA dues. What kind of world do we live in and what kind of message are we continuing to send. Hey, if you have a problem with someone or something, heaven forbid working it out….just crank up a law suit! Now that makes a lot of sense. Whatever happened to the good old days when there were issues amongst folks and they would just get together, sit down and work things out? Even in this case, it is not too late for both parties to get together and work things out amicably to suit both parties. Take some advice from my friends at NIKE and Just DO IT.

Right now the HOA objective has been met and the HOA did not get pushed around and it did its job. The driveway is poured and the landscaping is suitable and I know Larry has offered to build the mailbox pending specifications to be provided by the HOA. End of story, the HOA achieved what it set out to accomplish and it should be congratulated for that. That was the goal of the HOA and it did its job, now how it went about doing this is a different story and this is in my opinion, is what Larry is after to change for the future. Each party has proved its respective points. Now, just sit down work out the money settlement issues and you can both just “drive on” and work on more important issues at work and with your families. Both parties need to put the past behind you and be big men and women about it. Quit stirring up animosity amongst everyone and fix things in your neighborhood to make it a better for all. After all, you guys all live together in a small area where many people know each other and share the same family goals, amenities and values. It is a great place to live and raise a family, but I ask you this final question. Do you really want to go to the pool, or out for a walk in the neighborhood, or have your kids playing basketball at the courts, or whatever else it may be and all the while looking over your shoulder and wondering which people are sided with whom and who is talking about the other, thus making everyone feel uncomfortable? Why does it have to be this way?

Come on folks, all of you just need to suck it up and grow up. You are all adults and can work things out to make High Gables a nice place to live and to raise your families. It is not too late to become less stubborn and settle this situation without it going any further. I say the heck with all the legalities and whatever else there may be, and for the betterment of ALL, somebody involved with this case, please take the initiative to get both parties together in an informal “sit down” keep it simple meeting and work things out amicably ……Just DO IT!!

Steve Oldham

High Gables Main